A Letter To My Friends

We are so lucky, despite our trials.

This video brings tears to my eyes each time I view it (as I have mentioned before, tears are part of everything lately). I am happy this girl agreed to make this video. She demonstrates courage, which is the making of action in-spite of fear.

I have been doing a lot of self evaluation recently. After the passing of my dad I felt as if one of my life's rocks(be it a large and squishy, huggable rock) had been removed. So large of an influence was he that I didn't even realize just how much he held me up until he was gone. Maybe that is how it is for everyone when they lose a parent and I was just very unaware until experiencing it myself.

Loss comes in so many forms, not just in death alone. That is why this video spoke directly to my inner stuttering self.  No, I may not suffer from an outward speech impediment as this girl, but I definitely have an inward one that hinders my life's interactions. I have worked so very hard to hide it, overcome it, get rid of it, and everything else that would keep it far, far away. Somehow, the loss of my dad has sent me right back to my childhood insecurities. Where has my confidence gone to? I was visiting with some friends the other day and was probably visibly shaking, for that is what was happening on the inside. It took some work to control it. What is happening to me?!

In some ways I am horrified to have returned to my old childlike state, yet in others I am respectfully grateful. I want to hug the little insecure girl within myself and tell her some of the little bits of wisdom I have gained in living, despite fears and insecurities. For example, I definitely have been given a greater compassion and empathy for others, particularly young children, but especially for others that seem to be the outcast, the shy, and the troubled. I am learning that I wouldn't trade my weaknesses and internal infirmities for anything, because they are what makes the good parts of me, good. Like this adorable, huggable girl in this video, I too can help others as I reach out in love and compassion. It is scary. Fear will always trail alongside of me, but courage coupled together with action and grace from God will bring continued healing and strengthening not only to my aching heart but to those I serve with love.

My wish today is that all within the sound of my small voice may know that you are a child of a loving God. He made you unique. That includes your outward and inward infirmities that probably will stick with you your entire life. Embrace them as part of you, and do what it takes to learn to carry, and walk with them, and use them for good. I promise the Lord will bless you and others as you do so. I promise you will feel His love for you, a very sweet, tender and pure love for you. I leave you this promise in His name, even Jesus Christ. Amen


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